my sisters under your porch take her home
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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