thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
