I think my fart just growled at me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
