Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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