Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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