The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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