She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
