Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
