Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize