I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
