im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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