why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
