just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
