i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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