That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
