note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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