I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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