I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
