Kiss
Puke
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
