god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
