No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
