The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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