Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
