I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
