i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
