my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
