I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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