I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
