Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
