a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
