Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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