I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
