Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I FOUND THE LEGS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
