You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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