i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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