help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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