My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
third nipple confirmed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
