Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
