You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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