i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
