I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
me + whiskey = a bad person
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
