They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
