Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
