Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
