Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
