I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
