shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
