his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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