youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
