I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
