I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
