does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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