Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My life is pants optional.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
