You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
how does that bad decision feel?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
