Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
