That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
