is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
