what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
