I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize