I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
