I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
