Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Let the clothes fall where they may.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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