we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
