Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize