Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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