Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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