I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
