NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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