Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
