How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
