Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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