the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
