you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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